The Carrot Experience | Introduction | The Genesis of Obsession | The Book of Carrot
Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III
Creatasis - by Arlene Rimmsky
In the Beginning there was great distress, for there was no-one Holy enough to Impersonate Kenneth Williams. Though many did attempt this they did not have the Comic Talent. And the people of the world wept for these Fallen Comics, for they had made a Great Attempt. And the people let out a great sigh, for they were truly deprived. And the people of the world did plead:
"Won't you send us a God, One of Overpowering Sex Appeal and Great Wit, that we mightst laugh!?!" And the Elder Gods Of Comedie Spake: "We will grant you your request, but you must make a Heavy Sacrifice"
And the people cried: "We will do anything you ask!"
And lo, the Elder Gods of Comedie spoke unto them, and said: "We will place upon this Earth two Men. One shall be called William Jefferson Clinton, the other shall be Anthony Blair. During the 1990's, you must elect these tyrranical baffoons as your leaders, and they shall cause the world great pain. This is the price that must be paid if you are to recieve our Greatest Gift. "We will do this thing you ask....now bring forth the Holy One, that we might Laugh. The people were indeed pained.
And
so the Elder Gods of Comedie conferred amongst themselves, and decided
to have tea, for the people of the world were in such pain that they
did not realise it was 4.00.And lo, the biscuits they consumed were
Good, and they were again Satisfied. And the Great Biscuits filled the
Elder gods with Awesome power for their Task. Blessed are those who
eat Biscuits with their Tea, for it was for the Great undertaking that
these foodstuffs were created. Andwithout their Power, the Creation of
chris would not have been possible. And the Elder Gods of Comedie
searched all of the Earth to find two souls worthy of having the
Divine Sex that would Create Chris. It was in this manner that Chris's
parents were brought together.
Praise
Be To Chris!
The Carrot Experience | Introduction | The Genesis of Obsession | The Book of Carrot