The Carrot Experience | Introduction | The Genesis of Obsession | The Book of Carrot
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The Holy Creed Of Carrot
By Rimmsky and Dwarfer
And the faithful went unto the Drive Room, and a Mighty Voice spoke thus:
Honour the day on which Red Dwarf is Broadcast, for it is Our Lord Barrie's day. Woe betide those who do not respect the Day of Dwarf, for they shall be struck down, and the Broadcasting Company shall take Red Dwarf from them, and replace it with endless repeats of The New Adventures Of Hercules.
Thou shalt not speak Our Lord Barrie's name in vain. Woe betide they who do, for their Carrot shall be confiscated.
Thou shalt not worship the falsely gorgeous. The Devil put George Clooney upon this earth that he might corrupt the light of Chris. But the Barrie did divest himself of garments in the Sacred Series VIII, and Lo - Clooney was no longer in ER.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's light-bee. When thou art deemed to be Pure and Righteous, thou shalt have a light-bee of thine own.
By his long service medals shall ye know him. Clean ye the Chicken Soup Dispenser with Love.
T hou shalt not eat of the Carrot, except that ye do so with Reverence and Praise, for it is a Sacred Vegetable. Neither shalt though taste of the Enormous Marrow, nor the Mutant Courgette, for they too were made in the Image of Chris, to keep the lustful thoughts of the Faithful in their rightful place.
Thou shalt eschew the Parsnip in all its manifestations, for it is the Anti-Carrot!
Thou shalt not have Rhinoplasty, unless it be to enlarge thy nostrils, for is is by means of the Sacred Flaring that Chris spreads His love throughout the world.
The Lesson Endeth
Praise
Be To Chris!
The Carrot Experience | Introduction | The Genesis of Obsession | The Book of Carrot